Autumn Breeze ( F C )
at 2010-01-28
This was just a beautiful write from you..I can tell you have put a lot of thought and effort into this one..it definately shows. Flowers do die...but if we are lucky, we can press them and keep the vibrant colour they once were....if it's a true friendship I believe the same could happen.
Like my friends who are now long gone
I think you could knock the word 'now' from this line...just a thought.
I really enjoyed this one from you..well done!
Autumn Breeze ( F C )
at 2010-02-01
The second line is still a stickler for me but the rest of it was fine....
Mera Luna ( F P C D )
at 2010-02-01
Lately I've come in this period, that I think a lot about the friend I have had, and the friends I have. And I believe that you have displayed my thoughts perfectly in this quatern. I have tried this form before, and it was not easy to find a suitable repetition line.
The only thing that I found strange, was that everything rhymed except the first two and the last two lines. Perhaps you have intended it to be like that.
Rachel RTVW ( F P C D )
at 2010-02-04
You lost me in the last line of the first stanza. That is a perfect example of a forced rhyme. Honestly after that I just didn't want to read anymore but I did and you have more forced rhyming throughout the piece. I think you had a relatable foundation but it needs some work.
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