Sylvia ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-28
You are lucky to have a friend like Sara and I am sure she will be honored by this tribute to her friendship. I know I would be.
bhaskaryya ( C )
at 2009-08-28
It was pretty hard for me to keep my interest sustained after coming across 'angelic silhouette' in the second line itself. I hate both the words with almost an equal passion. The reason being the same. I come across those words at least a thousand times a week while reading poetry on the net.
And you have used an intimidating amount of adjectives through out this piece which makes it suffer all the more.
"crisp pale blossomed flowerings" made me stumble over as many times as I tried to re-read it.
'Tears from the sky' would be a cliched metaphor for rain even by the standards of a seven year old.
First two stanzas you try to use metaphors to describe your friend and create some sort of an image. And then suddenly there is a sharp change in the tone and it gets all personal (something I care nothing about). It ends up losing the wider appeal it had started making.
.
I like your choice of words at times. And I'm sure you could string them together in much better fashion. This in itself was way too mediocre.
Illuminati RTVW ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-30
Although you are aiming for a positive image I cant
help but to feel confused a bit
I find ~illusive beauty~ negative in your opening line yet you fallow up with such a beautiful images
Then aging, you use the word ~pale~ fallowing
up with ~ accompanied by an mosaic sunset.~
These words ~clashing~ with each other
Second stanza: The opening is beautiful but
why are the tears? Is it sadness or happiness?
You need to explain it the reader..
I feel that there is no ~logical flow~ in-between the
stanzas… In my opinion you should rewrite this
and maybe choose a more suitable form for it…
Amelia Under Water ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-01
I like the idea of this poem alot. but i think you need to spend more time thinking about the flow of the poem. :)
Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-01
This is not the run of the mill poem. The imagery
metaphors
and style is nothing short of outstanding
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-02
Joe
What a beautiful loving tribute to your friend. This kind of friendship is rare. Treasure it and hold it close to your heart.
Great job!
Take Care
Cindy
Ray Smallshaw ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-02
Joe you have painted with a flourish the importance of friendship your brush highlighting its needs and the love good friendship generates very flowery and with feeling I love it as any one who has had that special friend(S) knows the feeling of belonging as they make you feel special and expect nothing back.
5/5 Ray S
TorturedMind ( C D )
at 2009-09-26
The formatting was different...but the content was really good...the flow and emotion was great
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