Rachel ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-05
Good job on this Lu....I was suprised it was about cataracts. When one sense is impaired, the others strengthen. I like how you used the sense of touch. Nice job!
Anna Stephens ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-07
For there was I and he and
a twinkle ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
What a beautiful way to end this piece.
GREAT work, Luanne!!
Genuine Lavender ( F C D )
at 2009-08-09
I can't find the right words to describe the beauty of this piece, the diction was like a sweet whisper, as you were talking melodiously to your self, the picture more than inspiring.
It was so nice to see such topic brought to the light, so many consider the cataract, a disease of ugly looking, here you are coming with another insight.
Nice job, Lu...
T e m p s ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-09
'Many times -
I wondered how many memories lay beneath the lines and creases
that shaped her face into the most beautiful puzzle.'
`This is such a powerful opening; something about it was amazing. I see youre talking about an older lady here, who has passed away [hence the past tense] Very unique lines here. Using the creases and lines in her face as a metaphor for the memories.
'she so zestfully described
and sometimes wondered -
(if perhaps her imagination played tricks on her mind)'
`Zestfully described - I was blwon away from this; the word choice is impressive. I have a feeling you are talking about someone you know in this right; it seems so personal. 'Imagination played tricks on her mind' - Another original line; I don't know what to say.
'The old antique china cabinet'
`I have a china hutch in my house; I think 'china hutch' is a more proper phrasing isnt it? I could be wrong but reading that cabinet seemed a bit off to me.
'Her pearl colored eyes dull yet - held such happiness'
`This is so beautiful and almost sad at the same time. 'Dull' brings the sadness yet 'held such happiness' brings a smile to my face. Pearl colored eyes was amazing; very vivid description. Awesome imagery.
'For I know now, she knew
exactly what I looked like
all along.
For there was I and he and
a twinkle ...'
`The last stanza was a little awkwardly worded. He didnt sound right?
A very great write. Definatly very deserving to win for the club-to-club challenge ; congrats!
To be honest after you mentioned the china cabinet I got a little lost but this was a phenomonal write. :] Well done!!
[ Praised by : Luanne ]
Twisted Heart ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-09
Luanne,
This is truly a beautiful write. From the first lines: "I wondered how many memories lay beneath the lines and creases
that shaped her face into the most beautiful puzzle." I was mesmerized. Wonderful beginning.
Then: "Funny how before today I never noticed the crack in the mirror nor that twinkle in my eye."
And lastly: " For there was I and he and a twinkle ..."
Wonderful imagery. And I never knew until now about "pearl eye"
Anyway, like I said before, a truly beautiful write.
Jeannie
Dixiedaisy ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-10
Luanne,
Simply Amazing! This poem was nothing short of absolutely beautiful. It reminded me alot of my own grandmother and you always seem to touch on a subject that is so dear to me. You have by far created a beauty with this poem. This is among my favorites of yours. I would have not known that it was about cataracts and thought you tied the subject and the poem so eloquently together. Masterful write dear.
Take Care,
Kay
I am out of votes but, this is definitely a worthy piece.
Dark Secrets ( F C D )
at 2009-08-10
The thing about poetry is that it is an art, it is seen differently by many people. Your poem is very inspiring and wonderful, I can't see how you extracted such an oringinal and beautiful peice from a simple and vage photo like that, I definatlly wouldn't have thought of it this way, and that is a blessing. Well done!
Maya ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-10
Well worth the win, Luanne:)
I think you must love her lots:)
*hugs*
5/5 Ingrid
Side Effects ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-10
You used a lot of discription in this and I liked it because I really got into this poem and I felt that you took the reader to a new level
5/5
Corinne ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-12
Congratulations Luanne, on the well deserved win. This is a beautiful and touching poem
PinkyPrincess ( F C )
at 2009-08-15
Awww.... this poem is so beautiful! I love it and I love how you shared with us the picture that inspired you to write this. That's very nice because we all get inspired by so many things but when it's a picture that you can share with others it's very interesting. I loved the poem and congratulations on the win! You deserve it :)
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