Krista ( F P C D )
at 2008-09-26
Very nice wording, loved the flow and how you wrote it.
very nice. keep it up
Hannah
at 2008-10-02
This really great poetry bout ur sis, u had portrayed your message very well. 5/5
Paige11 ( F C D )
at 2008-10-02
Not bad ,a few gramatical errors:
"even when there are pain"
would have to bee "even when there is pain" or "when we are in pain"
"like laughters and tears"
should be like laughter and tears, no S on laughter
"we may live each other from afar"
should be "we may live far from eachother"
Good effort though, not really origonal but nice, work on trying to use metaphors, it beings out more emotion and makes it less likely that you will do the same thing as someone else :)
Just some constructice criticism, don't take it the wrong way, your a great poet, hope i was of some help :)
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